Dear Peng,
Today, I went to Central Park. I got lost at first. I read the subway map wrongly and I mistakenly thought that there was a station near Central Park for the red line. Anyway, I found my way in the end. I also saw Columbus Circle.
Central Park was a really interesting place. It was clam, serene, quiet and pleasant. I wished you could have been with me. The, the experience would be spectacular. It would have been a dream-come-true for me it I could walk in Central Park with you, baby. While I was walking, how I wished I could kiss you in the middle of Central Park, where is cold and I would feel your warm lips touching mine. It would be sensational. Oh well~ its not going to come true...I know.
I also saw some people ice-skating. Then I bought some hot chocolate with whipped cream. Not that bad. You should try some when you at Central Park, by any chance.
Later, I went back to my cousin's apartment. And that's basically my day.
It was totally boring. It was so boring walking all alone. I was sad and emo the whole time.....and I couldn't do anything about it. My life is pretty sad, huh?
At least you're happy, Peng. Yeah.....I should be happy for you. But sometimes, I just break apart and I can't take it. I am so lost without you, Peng. Ever since that day when I suggested open relationship, I have not been able to think properly. My heart feels so heavy. I thought I can bottle it up. I thought I was strong. I wasn't. I am not sure how long I can take it.
As the days go by, I feel even more lost. I'm alone. I always has been. But you showered me so much love that I didn't need anybody else. I only needed you. I have never felt this way before. Not even to my mother.
Its all over now. I lost you forever. I tell myself every day "Its over...Its over...Its over". Its working a little.
I am watching so much pornography now just to drown my sorrow, but my sadness keeps coming back.
I should move one...but I just can't.....I don't know why.....I ....just...can't. I feel so helpless. Its just that I can't let you go......but I know...I can't have you.
Baby, I'm so lost.....please save me......if you can. ='(
