Lonely

Hey Peng,

I am so lonely. I am crying.

What should I do?

Fuck

Hey baby,

So, I've decided to not be friends with Kun Hui. It's too painful and I feel jealous. It is not worth it.

I really trusted her. I told her so many personal things. I told her my fears, hopes and dreams. Fuck.

Tomorrow I have a job interview with my father's friend... fucking fuck....


I just don't care anymore....I feel so lonely and sad.

:'(

I am an asshole

Hey Peng,

I lost yet another great girl. I really had a connection with her. I could share my feelings and opinions with her. She could understand me.

Fuck me. I am a fucking asshole. Why did I think she would like me?

at least i told her how i felt....what more can i do? i will go back to my lonely and depressing island.....and cry myself to sleep....as usual.

her name is Kun Hui. Birthday February 16th. She likes green. She likes baby's breath flowers. She like Coldplay, especially Yellow. she likes to think about love. On day she hopes to go to either Morocco or Greece. She has issues with her parents about not picking her up from primary school. She likes to sing and she has an amazing voice. I love to listen to her singing. When she cooks, she will always cook a lot. Haha. She likes big, long things... haha.

She is tall, smart, beautiful and sexy.

Goodbye Kun Hui. I will miss you.

Happy Birthday Peng

Hey Peng,

Happy birthday. Hope you are happy. Bye

Hey again

Hi again, Peng,

I feel so depressed. more so than usual. i have no motivation to do anything. i have no job right now. i don't even no if i can re-apply for the student pass. but i am not sure if i still want to further my studies.....i am having second thoughts.

now i am living with my parents....it's so hard living with my parents. they criticize eveything i do.

My chest feels so heavy. I no one to talk to. my chest is hurting now. 

sometimes, i wish i can find someone who will hold me and tell me everything will be alright. someone who will not criticize me...someone who will support.

I realize I cannot find someone. i don't deserve love and support. i am too broken. i am scared of trusting people....so how can a girl trust me......

you know, i had some thoughts....of contacting you...just to say hi....maybe ......

but no,,, I won't contact you. it will be wrong. you have most probably forgotten about me...  i don't want you to remember me... to remember all the bad things i have done to you. I see from your facebook post......you seem to be doing good.....that's great, Peng. 

I still think about you, Peng....I still miss you.......but I realize you are different person now. There is no way you will like me now....I am still an asshole....

Bye, Peng.

I am sad

Hey Peng,

Its been a long while since we spoke. I am sad.

Today, a girl rejected my feelings. I met her two months ago. Today, she told me she is now in a relationship. I feel hurt. I am crying.

You know, Peng, after breaking up with you, I felt so lonely. For 6 years I just kept all my feelings to myself. My heart felt so heavy.

I met this girl two months ago. She seemed to like me. We talked almost everyday. She liked talking to me. I felt happy. In  6 years, I felt happy for the first time. I thought maybe...just maybe...


But, no. I was a fool. Oh well. I don't deserve love. I did not deserve you, either... Peng. I should just accept that.

Now, I am back to being sad... this is my fate. Bye-bye. Hope you have a great birthday tomorrow. :D