Dear Peng,
How are you, Peng?
Today, I left New Jersey and headed south towards Massachusetts. My mother's cousin pick me up from New Jersey and drove towards Boston, where his sister's house is located. There is a family gathering there.
It was an interesting road trip. Usually, my family will drive from JB to KL, so all I get too see is palm trees. This road trip, however, I get to see ports, rivers, bridges, houses and the very beautiful blue sky. Wished you could see it too.
Anyway, I reached the house at about 2.30pm. At lunch there and met the family. I felt quite lost and scared, to be honest. Half the time, I don't know what is going on.
Oh ya, there is a baby here too. The baby's name is Jayce. "Weird name", I thought. Haha. Everybody is crazy over him. Yeah, you know..babies are cute. I am sure you will go crazy over him too...but then again, I don't really know how you and babies go together, Peng. I never really ask you how you felt towards babies.
The house here has 2 humongous plasma televisions on the same floor. I am not sure about the upstairs bedrooms. There is even a Christmas tree here.
Personally, I am only here 'cause my mother ask me to meet her Aunty.
So here I am. Feeling lost (as always) and cold and lonely (as usual).
Didn't do much today. I had pizza for dinner and watch American Football for a while. Hated it. I could find the point of watching American Football. So pointless.
Then I slept. Wonder when I can go to Boston City. Need to buy some key-chains. Hmm...
So, Peng, what have you been up to lately? Hope you are fine and warm and cute as always. Take care, Peng. ^_^
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
New Jersey (Pt. 3)
Dear Peng,
Today I woke up at 10.30am. I had some tea. Later I went outside of the house to shovel the snow. The snow storm had made a 2 feet layer of snow. So, I had to shovel the snow away from the driveway for the cars to get out from the garage. It was hard work but it was good exercise for me. It was my first time really playing with snow too.
The shoveling keep on going 'till lunch where I took a break. About 40 minutes later, I went to shovel the last bit of snow. At about 3pm, the driveway was clear. I also shoveled snow near the mailbox so that the postman can deliver mail. I went inside to dry myself. My stockings and gloves were very wet.
Oh ya, I also did a "run-and-jump" in the snow. But, I sank in too deep and my camera got super wet. Lucky, its still working. Whew~ .... My jeans got wet too. Baby, can you dry me, pleaaaseeee~ Haha...BABY~~!
So, today was basically about shoveling snow. Have you shoveled any snow, Peng?
I love you, Peng~ *kiss* ^_^
Today I woke up at 10.30am. I had some tea. Later I went outside of the house to shovel the snow. The snow storm had made a 2 feet layer of snow. So, I had to shovel the snow away from the driveway for the cars to get out from the garage. It was hard work but it was good exercise for me. It was my first time really playing with snow too.
The shoveling keep on going 'till lunch where I took a break. About 40 minutes later, I went to shovel the last bit of snow. At about 3pm, the driveway was clear. I also shoveled snow near the mailbox so that the postman can deliver mail. I went inside to dry myself. My stockings and gloves were very wet.
Oh ya, I also did a "run-and-jump" in the snow. But, I sank in too deep and my camera got super wet. Lucky, its still working. Whew~ .... My jeans got wet too. Baby, can you dry me, pleaaaseeee~ Haha...BABY~~!
So, today was basically about shoveling snow. Have you shoveled any snow, Peng?
I love you, Peng~ *kiss* ^_^
New Jersey (Pt. 2)
Dear Peng,
Today, I am still in New Jersey. I woke up at 10 am. At 11 am, I went to Hoboken, New Jersey. I wanted to see Steven Institute of Technology. I have to say that Stevens looks nice. But its was so cloudy and visibility was horrible 'till I could see anything beyond 100 meters. Apart from that, though, Stevens IS a nice place to study in. Its in a semi-suburban area. And New York City is just beyond the Hudson River. I don't know about the academics but in terms of atmosphere, I think Stevens is good.
At about 2pm I made my way back.
Oh ya, PENG!!!! It snowed today. I saw snow for the first time in my life. I made a snowball too. But I wouldn't call it a ball though....haha...I'm still practicing....^_^
So, everywhere I went, snow was there too. Wow...
Wished we could have snowball fight together, you and I, Peng....
Anyway, that was basically my day.
Hope you safe and warm, Peng! *hug* *hug* ..... hehe
Today, I am still in New Jersey. I woke up at 10 am. At 11 am, I went to Hoboken, New Jersey. I wanted to see Steven Institute of Technology. I have to say that Stevens looks nice. But its was so cloudy and visibility was horrible 'till I could see anything beyond 100 meters. Apart from that, though, Stevens IS a nice place to study in. Its in a semi-suburban area. And New York City is just beyond the Hudson River. I don't know about the academics but in terms of atmosphere, I think Stevens is good.
At about 2pm I made my way back.
Oh ya, PENG!!!! It snowed today. I saw snow for the first time in my life. I made a snowball too. But I wouldn't call it a ball though....haha...I'm still practicing....^_^
So, everywhere I went, snow was there too. Wow...
Wished we could have snowball fight together, you and I, Peng....
Anyway, that was basically my day.
Hope you safe and warm, Peng! *hug* *hug* ..... hehe
Sunday, December 26, 2010
New Jersey (Pt. 1)
Dear Peng,
Today, I left New York for New Jersey. Yeah, I am going further away from you. I feel kinda sad.
It is Christmas and I remembered that you said to me that for your present, you wanted me and only me. I also wanted you. In fact, I still want you. Sadly, I'm not getting the gift I truly desire. Haha.. tough luck, I supposed.
Anyway, Peng, how have you been? Are you fine? Hope are you warm and all. I don't know what else to say.
I want to say "I love you, Peng" but I don't know...today, my heart feels so heavy and painful....'till I can't say that....
Maybe its just that we were supposed to be together today...but here I am....all alone.... I feel so lost....alone..without you.
See ya, Peng. Merry Christmas. Take care.
='(
Today, I left New York for New Jersey. Yeah, I am going further away from you. I feel kinda sad.
It is Christmas and I remembered that you said to me that for your present, you wanted me and only me. I also wanted you. In fact, I still want you. Sadly, I'm not getting the gift I truly desire. Haha.. tough luck, I supposed.
Anyway, Peng, how have you been? Are you fine? Hope are you warm and all. I don't know what else to say.
I want to say "I love you, Peng" but I don't know...today, my heart feels so heavy and painful....'till I can't say that....
Maybe its just that we were supposed to be together today...but here I am....all alone.... I feel so lost....alone..without you.
See ya, Peng. Merry Christmas. Take care.
='(
Saturday, December 25, 2010
New York (Pt. 6)
Dear Peng,
Today, I walked on the Brooklyn Brigde. The most amazing yet frightening thing happen.
I thought I saw you, Peng. I am not sure...This girl looked like you alot. She had shoulder long hair. The hair was generally black. The nose on this girl was very similar to your nose, Peng. And the glasses she wore was the same that you were wearing, Peng.
Peng...Baby..were you on the Brooklyn Bridge today, the 24th of December 2010? Were you, Peng? I still am really confuse. Was that you, Peng....or was it not.....
I did not get a good look also...Just a 1 second glance..and also at that moment, this girl was adjusting her scarf and her hat was blocking her eyes...
I don't know, Peng.. for that moment, I thought I saw you...I got scared..My whole body went cold...I was happy yet afraid..."Was that you, Peng?" I thought.
I still don't have an answer.
I love you, Peng.
Today is Christmas Day and also our month-versery. What a special day this would have been if I was still with you, right baby?
I am wearing the ring on my finger now. It makes me feel closer to you. Pathetic, right.... lol
I am thinking about you all the time. I miss you so much, Peng. Hope you are happy and cute, baby....now..and...forever. I love you, Lee Yin Peng. I really do. *kiss*
Today, I walked on the Brooklyn Brigde. The most amazing yet frightening thing happen.
I thought I saw you, Peng. I am not sure...This girl looked like you alot. She had shoulder long hair. The hair was generally black. The nose on this girl was very similar to your nose, Peng. And the glasses she wore was the same that you were wearing, Peng.
Peng...Baby..were you on the Brooklyn Bridge today, the 24th of December 2010? Were you, Peng? I still am really confuse. Was that you, Peng....or was it not.....
I did not get a good look also...Just a 1 second glance..and also at that moment, this girl was adjusting her scarf and her hat was blocking her eyes...
I don't know, Peng.. for that moment, I thought I saw you...I got scared..My whole body went cold...I was happy yet afraid..."Was that you, Peng?" I thought.
I still don't have an answer.
I love you, Peng.
Today is Christmas Day and also our month-versery. What a special day this would have been if I was still with you, right baby?
I am wearing the ring on my finger now. It makes me feel closer to you. Pathetic, right.... lol
I am thinking about you all the time. I miss you so much, Peng. Hope you are happy and cute, baby....now..and...forever. I love you, Lee Yin Peng. I really do. *kiss*
New York (Pt. 5)
Dear Peng,
Today, I went to the top of the Empire State Building. I was at the 86th floor. I saw the entire Manhattan. It was really spectacular. One more thing, the wind was really strong.....I was almost blown away.
Nonetheless, I was amazed.
Later, for dinner, I went to a Malaysian restaurant. The food was mediocre. I was sad....Oh well~
Haha....
Word of advice...Don't go to the Malaysian restaurant, Peng...haha....
Today, I went to the top of the Empire State Building. I was at the 86th floor. I saw the entire Manhattan. It was really spectacular. One more thing, the wind was really strong.....I was almost blown away.
Nonetheless, I was amazed.
Later, for dinner, I went to a Malaysian restaurant. The food was mediocre. I was sad....Oh well~
Haha....
Word of advice...Don't go to the Malaysian restaurant, Peng...haha....
Thursday, December 23, 2010
New York (Pt. 4)
Dear Peng,
Today, I went to Central Park. I got lost at first. I read the subway map wrongly and I mistakenly thought that there was a station near Central Park for the red line. Anyway, I found my way in the end. I also saw Columbus Circle.
Central Park was a really interesting place. It was clam, serene, quiet and pleasant. I wished you could have been with me. The, the experience would be spectacular. It would have been a dream-come-true for me it I could walk in Central Park with you, baby. While I was walking, how I wished I could kiss you in the middle of Central Park, where is cold and I would feel your warm lips touching mine. It would be sensational. Oh well~ its not going to come true...I know.
I also saw some people ice-skating. Then I bought some hot chocolate with whipped cream. Not that bad. You should try some when you at Central Park, by any chance.
Later, I went back to my cousin's apartment. And that's basically my day.
It was totally boring. It was so boring walking all alone. I was sad and emo the whole time.....and I couldn't do anything about it. My life is pretty sad, huh?
At least you're happy, Peng. Yeah.....I should be happy for you. But sometimes, I just break apart and I can't take it. I am so lost without you, Peng. Ever since that day when I suggested open relationship, I have not been able to think properly. My heart feels so heavy. I thought I can bottle it up. I thought I was strong. I wasn't. I am not sure how long I can take it.
As the days go by, I feel even more lost. I'm alone. I always has been. But you showered me so much love that I didn't need anybody else. I only needed you. I have never felt this way before. Not even to my mother.
Its all over now. I lost you forever. I tell myself every day "Its over...Its over...Its over". Its working a little.
I am watching so much pornography now just to drown my sorrow, but my sadness keeps coming back.
I should move one...but I just can't.....I don't know why.....I ....just...can't. I feel so helpless. Its just that I can't let you go......but I know...I can't have you.
Baby, I'm so lost.....please save me......if you can. ='(
Today, I went to Central Park. I got lost at first. I read the subway map wrongly and I mistakenly thought that there was a station near Central Park for the red line. Anyway, I found my way in the end. I also saw Columbus Circle.
Central Park was a really interesting place. It was clam, serene, quiet and pleasant. I wished you could have been with me. The, the experience would be spectacular. It would have been a dream-come-true for me it I could walk in Central Park with you, baby. While I was walking, how I wished I could kiss you in the middle of Central Park, where is cold and I would feel your warm lips touching mine. It would be sensational. Oh well~ its not going to come true...I know.
I also saw some people ice-skating. Then I bought some hot chocolate with whipped cream. Not that bad. You should try some when you at Central Park, by any chance.
Later, I went back to my cousin's apartment. And that's basically my day.
It was totally boring. It was so boring walking all alone. I was sad and emo the whole time.....and I couldn't do anything about it. My life is pretty sad, huh?
At least you're happy, Peng. Yeah.....I should be happy for you. But sometimes, I just break apart and I can't take it. I am so lost without you, Peng. Ever since that day when I suggested open relationship, I have not been able to think properly. My heart feels so heavy. I thought I can bottle it up. I thought I was strong. I wasn't. I am not sure how long I can take it.
As the days go by, I feel even more lost. I'm alone. I always has been. But you showered me so much love that I didn't need anybody else. I only needed you. I have never felt this way before. Not even to my mother.
Its all over now. I lost you forever. I tell myself every day "Its over...Its over...Its over". Its working a little.
I am watching so much pornography now just to drown my sorrow, but my sadness keeps coming back.
I should move one...but I just can't.....I don't know why.....I ....just...can't. I feel so helpless. Its just that I can't let you go......but I know...I can't have you.
Baby, I'm so lost.....please save me......if you can. ='(
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
New York (Pt. 3)
Dear Peng,
Today, I went to lunch at a Mexican Restaurant at the South Seaport. I ordered a Shrimp Quenchilladas, The food was really delicious. There was shrimp and cheese. Yum.Yum. Haha.
Later, I went to Astor Place to buy tickets to the Blue Man Group Show. The show was really fun and entertaining. We should go sometime, Peng. If you want la... ^_^
I also met one of my cousin's friend, Erica (If I am not mistaken). It was really awkward. I just sat silently and listened to their conversations. Woah... really awkward. When my cousin asked me if I wanted to have dinner together, I said no. I did not want it turn into another awkward situation.
So, I left. I bought dinner at some street vendor. And I got a free Coca-Cola because I was a Muslim. lol.
Anyway, I ate dinner and went back to my cousin's apartment.
That's basically my day.
How was your day, Peng? ^_^
Today, I went to lunch at a Mexican Restaurant at the South Seaport. I ordered a Shrimp Quenchilladas, The food was really delicious. There was shrimp and cheese. Yum.Yum. Haha.
Later, I went to Astor Place to buy tickets to the Blue Man Group Show. The show was really fun and entertaining. We should go sometime, Peng. If you want la... ^_^
I also met one of my cousin's friend, Erica (If I am not mistaken). It was really awkward. I just sat silently and listened to their conversations. Woah... really awkward. When my cousin asked me if I wanted to have dinner together, I said no. I did not want it turn into another awkward situation.
So, I left. I bought dinner at some street vendor. And I got a free Coca-Cola because I was a Muslim. lol.
Anyway, I ate dinner and went back to my cousin's apartment.
That's basically my day.
How was your day, Peng? ^_^
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
New York (Pt. 2)
Dear Peng,
Today is my second day in New York City. So, I was wrong, I did not go to Times Square yesterday. It looked like the shape of Times Square. Nonetheless, I went to the real Times Square today. Wow! Lights everywhere. Have you been to Times Square, Peng?
I also went to Wall's Street. Wall's Street is famous for the New York Stock Exchange. I also went to Brooklyn Pier. I saw the Hudson River and New Jersey from afar.
I also went to Astor Place where I just walked around randomly. I saw many Japanese Restaurants and all of them were so classy. I know you will like it a lot.
Oh ya, I went to Rockerfella Center. Do you remember that I said I wanted to go to 30 Rock? Well I did. Haha. The building was very tall.
Now, my legs are very tired. I mean, walking for 6 hours straight for 2 days is really killing my legs. Maybe you can carry me, baby? Haha.. No la, just kidding. It is I who must carry you, a beautiful, cute and sexy lady. It would be my honor.
^_^
Today is my second day in New York City. So, I was wrong, I did not go to Times Square yesterday. It looked like the shape of Times Square. Nonetheless, I went to the real Times Square today. Wow! Lights everywhere. Have you been to Times Square, Peng?
I also went to Wall's Street. Wall's Street is famous for the New York Stock Exchange. I also went to Brooklyn Pier. I saw the Hudson River and New Jersey from afar.
I also went to Astor Place where I just walked around randomly. I saw many Japanese Restaurants and all of them were so classy. I know you will like it a lot.
Oh ya, I went to Rockerfella Center. Do you remember that I said I wanted to go to 30 Rock? Well I did. Haha. The building was very tall.
Now, my legs are very tired. I mean, walking for 6 hours straight for 2 days is really killing my legs. Maybe you can carry me, baby? Haha.. No la, just kidding. It is I who must carry you, a beautiful, cute and sexy lady. It would be my honor.
^_^
Monday, December 20, 2010
New York (Pt. 1)
Dear Peng,
Today, I started my Day 1 in New York City. I woke up pretty late because my phone's time was still in LA's time zone. Aiya~
Anyway, I went for branch at this organic restaurant just near Chinatown (Canal St.) I ordered Scrambled Tofu. Not bad la, I think. After that, I went to Chinatown. All the fake stuff was there. But if compared to Malaysia's fake stuff in Petaling Street or, in JB, Holiday Plaza, the stuff is way cheaper. Nevertheless, it was a good experience.
Later, I just went walking around New York, seeing random places. I saw the Empire State Building, Grand Central Terminal, Times Square, Rocker fella Plaza (I think), an ice-skating ring (wished to ice-skate with you, baby), a few cathedral, a shop named the "Museum of Sex", African Burial Monument, Chrysler Building, McDonald that has Chinese tagline at Chinatown, the Church of Transfiguration and the subway. Haha
Baby, I also went to Walgreen at the Empire State Buildings. I bought a pair of white gloves. My fingers were so cold 'till they hurt. Seriously! The gloves did help a little.
So, that's it. My Day 1 in New York City. I wonder what I will do tomorrow....hmm...You have ideas, Peng?
Today, I started my Day 1 in New York City. I woke up pretty late because my phone's time was still in LA's time zone. Aiya~
Anyway, I went for branch at this organic restaurant just near Chinatown (Canal St.) I ordered Scrambled Tofu. Not bad la, I think. After that, I went to Chinatown. All the fake stuff was there. But if compared to Malaysia's fake stuff in Petaling Street or, in JB, Holiday Plaza, the stuff is way cheaper. Nevertheless, it was a good experience.
Later, I just went walking around New York, seeing random places. I saw the Empire State Building, Grand Central Terminal, Times Square, Rocker fella Plaza (I think), an ice-skating ring (wished to ice-skate with you, baby), a few cathedral, a shop named the "Museum of Sex", African Burial Monument, Chrysler Building, McDonald that has Chinese tagline at Chinatown, the Church of Transfiguration and the subway. Haha
Baby, I also went to Walgreen at the Empire State Buildings. I bought a pair of white gloves. My fingers were so cold 'till they hurt. Seriously! The gloves did help a little.
So, that's it. My Day 1 in New York City. I wonder what I will do tomorrow....hmm...You have ideas, Peng?
Sunday, December 19, 2010
New York
Dear Peng,
Today, I am in New York. I am really close to you now (physically) but I feel (and know) so far from you. Haha. So close, yet so far. I wonder if you remembered I will be in New York for Christmas. I'm pretty sure you've forgotten already.
I reached New York quite late, about 10pm. I did some walking about just now and saw a few places such as Ground Zero (the place where the World Trade Center was before), Seaport, The Hudson River. I found a PERFECT spot where we could be all alone. It was perfect. I think it was at Battery Park. I am not too sure though.
So, how have you been, Peng? Doing good? I hope so. Hope you are fine. Hope you are happy. Hope you are cute as ever.
Take care, Peng. I miss you alot. =)
Today, I am in New York. I am really close to you now (physically) but I feel (and know) so far from you. Haha. So close, yet so far. I wonder if you remembered I will be in New York for Christmas. I'm pretty sure you've forgotten already.
I reached New York quite late, about 10pm. I did some walking about just now and saw a few places such as Ground Zero (the place where the World Trade Center was before), Seaport, The Hudson River. I found a PERFECT spot where we could be all alone. It was perfect. I think it was at Battery Park. I am not too sure though.
So, how have you been, Peng? Doing good? I hope so. Hope you are fine. Hope you are happy. Hope you are cute as ever.
Take care, Peng. I miss you alot. =)
Friday, December 17, 2010
Mosque
Dear Peng,
Today, I went to the mosque. It was very confusing for me because the mosque is located very near to the beer factory. Ironic, huh?
Anyway, hope you are fine, baby! Take care. ^_^
Today, I went to the mosque. It was very confusing for me because the mosque is located very near to the beer factory. Ironic, huh?
Anyway, hope you are fine, baby! Take care. ^_^
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Another Girl.....
Dear Peng,
There is girl at USC that I met a few weeks ago. You know, she really reminds me of you. She is cute, Chinese, random and totally cute!
I really miss you, Peng! I really love you!
^_^
There is girl at USC that I met a few weeks ago. You know, she really reminds me of you. She is cute, Chinese, random and totally cute!
I really miss you, Peng! I really love you!
^_^
Monday, December 13, 2010
Annoying
Dear Peng,
I should have went to Case Western. I would be all alone there but at least there wouldn't be anybody annoying all the time. I really can't take it anymore, especially when its my finals now. Why must they be so bloody annoying?!
Peng, wish you could comfort me right now. I really am suffocating.
I should have went to Case Western. I would be all alone there but at least there wouldn't be anybody annoying all the time. I really can't take it anymore, especially when its my finals now. Why must they be so bloody annoying?!
Peng, wish you could comfort me right now. I really am suffocating.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Final Exam | Stress
Dear Peng,
Its my final exam tomorrow. I am really stressed up.
Do you remember last time I said that its hard to be stress when I am around you? Well, Peng, you are not around me anymore. I don't know how to manage my stress and my frustrations anymore. At the moment, I am just bottling up everything inside. I don't know how long I can take it............. but so far so good. haha.....
Baby, hope you are fine and happy.
I love you, Baby~~~ I love you so much! *kiss* * kiss* ^_^
Its my final exam tomorrow. I am really stressed up.
Do you remember last time I said that its hard to be stress when I am around you? Well, Peng, you are not around me anymore. I don't know how to manage my stress and my frustrations anymore. At the moment, I am just bottling up everything inside. I don't know how long I can take it............. but so far so good. haha.....
Baby, hope you are fine and happy.
I love you, Baby~~~ I love you so much! *kiss* * kiss* ^_^
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Birthday
Dear Peng,
How are you? Its been a long time since I've spoken to you in real life. Haha. Yeah, I know we will never speak again. I just have to get used to it.
Guess what? Its my birthday in 2 days time. I wonder if you still remember mine. Haha... no, right? Oh well, its ok, peng. I still love you.
I wonder if you might message me or post on my Facebook. Maybe you will. Maybe you won't. I'll find out anyway.
You know how I'm going to celebrate it? I going to sit alone on the bench, in front of the library at USC and remember how we used to talk so long in INTEC at the bench. Haha.
I'm sad that I can't celebrate my birthday with you. You know what birthday present I want?
I want you, Peng!
Take care, Peng. ^_^
How are you? Its been a long time since I've spoken to you in real life. Haha. Yeah, I know we will never speak again. I just have to get used to it.
Guess what? Its my birthday in 2 days time. I wonder if you still remember mine. Haha... no, right? Oh well, its ok, peng. I still love you.
I wonder if you might message me or post on my Facebook. Maybe you will. Maybe you won't. I'll find out anyway.
You know how I'm going to celebrate it? I going to sit alone on the bench, in front of the library at USC and remember how we used to talk so long in INTEC at the bench. Haha.
I'm sad that I can't celebrate my birthday with you. You know what birthday present I want?
I want you, Peng!
Take care, Peng. ^_^
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Broken
Dear Peng,
Baby, things that have been broken, no matter how much one patches it back, it will just never be the same.
You've have moved on already. And.............I ............ should............ move on too. You've found yourself a new boyfriend and you are much happier without me. You no longer care for me. I am not needed in your life.
You know, Peng, I occasionally remembered our memories: when we were in KFC or when we were in hotel or when we went to KL Tower. It hurts my heart knowing that those times will now just be memories that will just fade away.
But, as I said before, I have to move on, even though I don't want to. I know we are over but some part of me just can't accept that fact. Some part of me is so devastated over the fact of losing you.
So, the only thing I can do now is just force myself to move on, force myself to a new path.
Thinking about it makes my chest hurt even more but I have to do this. I have to!! ='(
I'm happy for you that you got a better boyfriend. Hope he treats you well. You are a princess, Peng. You deserve the best treatment and the utmost care.
I shall take my leave now. Farewell, Peng. My cute baby girl, Peng. 'Till next time, Take care, baby.
Baby, things that have been broken, no matter how much one patches it back, it will just never be the same.
You've have moved on already. And.............I ............ should............ move on too. You've found yourself a new boyfriend and you are much happier without me. You no longer care for me. I am not needed in your life.
You know, Peng, I occasionally remembered our memories: when we were in KFC or when we were in hotel or when we went to KL Tower. It hurts my heart knowing that those times will now just be memories that will just fade away.
But, as I said before, I have to move on, even though I don't want to. I know we are over but some part of me just can't accept that fact. Some part of me is so devastated over the fact of losing you.
So, the only thing I can do now is just force myself to move on, force myself to a new path.
Thinking about it makes my chest hurt even more but I have to do this. I have to!! ='(
I'm happy for you that you got a better boyfriend. Hope he treats you well. You are a princess, Peng. You deserve the best treatment and the utmost care.
I shall take my leave now. Farewell, Peng. My cute baby girl, Peng. 'Till next time, Take care, baby.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Lonely
Dear Peng,
Today, I read a psychology article. In the article, it states that, if one cares for others, one will learn to care for oneself too.
I believe that is true because that happen to me. Before you came into my life, Peng, I really, truly hated myself. I mean. many times, I tried to kill myself.
When you kept approaching me, I felt something. I felt needed. Gradually, I wanted to care for you, protect you, make you happy, make you smile. My life had meaning. You had become an important part of me. At the same time, I started to believe in myself because you believed in me. If wanting to make you happy, make you smile and make you safe means love, then, Peng, I really love you!
I know it was me who ended our relationship. You asked why we should end when we both loved each other. Believe me, I was wondering the same.
ARGHGHGA~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
What was I supposed to do? I didn't know what to do. I really did not know. ='(
I couldn't disobey my mother. I didn't want to make you sad. I was confused. I still am. I........ still am so confused.
Even now, as I'm writing this, I have no idea what I am doing anymore.
I wonder why did God do this to me? Did God want to punish me? But why did God make me hurt you, Peng?! Why did I have hurt you?!?! WHY!!!!
I never wanted to hurt you. I wanted to be with you. I wanted to make you happy.
Where did I go wrong?
You made me so happy, Peng... but all I gave you was sadness.
All I know now is that breaking up with you shattered my heart. I know I deserved it.
Take care, Peng. My cute baby girl, Peng! I love you so much! ^_^
Today, I read a psychology article. In the article, it states that, if one cares for others, one will learn to care for oneself too.
I believe that is true because that happen to me. Before you came into my life, Peng, I really, truly hated myself. I mean. many times, I tried to kill myself.
When you kept approaching me, I felt something. I felt needed. Gradually, I wanted to care for you, protect you, make you happy, make you smile. My life had meaning. You had become an important part of me. At the same time, I started to believe in myself because you believed in me. If wanting to make you happy, make you smile and make you safe means love, then, Peng, I really love you!
I know it was me who ended our relationship. You asked why we should end when we both loved each other. Believe me, I was wondering the same.
ARGHGHGA~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
What was I supposed to do? I didn't know what to do. I really did not know. ='(
I couldn't disobey my mother. I didn't want to make you sad. I was confused. I still am. I........ still am so confused.
Even now, as I'm writing this, I have no idea what I am doing anymore.
I wonder why did God do this to me? Did God want to punish me? But why did God make me hurt you, Peng?! Why did I have hurt you?!?! WHY!!!!
I never wanted to hurt you. I wanted to be with you. I wanted to make you happy.
Where did I go wrong?
You made me so happy, Peng... but all I gave you was sadness.
All I know now is that breaking up with you shattered my heart. I know I deserved it.
Take care, Peng. My cute baby girl, Peng! I love you so much! ^_^
Profile Picture
Dear Peng,
I saw your new facebook profile picture. When I saw it, my chest hurt tremendously. I think my heart skipped a beat. I couldn't breath.
I had not seen you for quite some time.
You looked so beautiful and sooo cute! Baby, you have become more beautiful and cuter!
I miss you so much, Peng. Today is 'our-what-used-to-be' month-verssery. Yeah, I still remember. Haha.
I felt like reaching out to your picture and touching it but I realized that was really pathetic. I cried instead
I am such a fool to let you go. I am so stupid to break up with you. I ..... I .........
I don't know how to live anymore without you. I still think about you everyday.
*cry*
You are the perfect girl for me, Peng. But I realized I am not perfect for you. So, it was for the best, right... breaking up with you, Peng? It was the right decision, right? :S But feel I made a huge mistake.
I don't know. Haha. Guess I am still an indecisive asshole. You always didn't like me being indecisive, right Peng?
*sigh~*
Peng, I still really love you. I really do.
I saw your new facebook profile picture. When I saw it, my chest hurt tremendously. I think my heart skipped a beat. I couldn't breath.
I had not seen you for quite some time.
You looked so beautiful and sooo cute! Baby, you have become more beautiful and cuter!
I miss you so much, Peng. Today is 'our-what-used-to-be' month-verssery. Yeah, I still remember. Haha.
I felt like reaching out to your picture and touching it but I realized that was really pathetic. I cried instead
I am such a fool to let you go. I am so stupid to break up with you. I ..... I .........
I don't know how to live anymore without you. I still think about you everyday.
*cry*
You are the perfect girl for me, Peng. But I realized I am not perfect for you. So, it was for the best, right... breaking up with you, Peng? It was the right decision, right? :S But feel I made a huge mistake.
I don't know. Haha. Guess I am still an indecisive asshole. You always didn't like me being indecisive, right Peng?
*sigh~*
Peng, I still really love you. I really do.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Want You!
Dear Peng,
ARGHHGH!!! I really wish you were still with me right now!! ARGRGREHTH
I want you back!!!!!!!!! PENG, I WANT YOU! I WANT ONLY YOU!
*sigh*..................... T_T
='(
Take care..........peng.....peng....
ARGHHGH!!! I really wish you were still with me right now!! ARGRGREHTH
I want you back!!!!!!!!! PENG, I WANT YOU! I WANT ONLY YOU!
*sigh*..................... T_T
='(
Take care..........peng.....peng....
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Depressed
Dear Peng,
How are you, Peng? Hope you are happy. I am not so happy. My roommates are so annoying. I know there are not annoying actually but I just find them so annoying. The way they talk about their problems with one another, the way they discuss about their worries, their studies... its all seems so fake to me.
I decided some time ago that I will not talk to anybody about me feelings, my worries, my stress, my depression anymore. I shouldn't burden anyone about my personal problems. I remember you told me that I'm good at making people around me suffer by releasing my guilt. Yeah, you're right Peng. So, I'll take your critique; I won't disturb anyone anymore. I'll just bottle up everything. EVERYTHING!
Yeah, I am feeling a little depressed right now. Don't feel like studying at all. I'm missing you too.
So, Peng, what are you up to these days? Are you having lots of fun? I bet you are. Haha =D
Hows your studies going? Probably better than mine. Really.
These days, I really feel really empty. My life feel so pointless. I go to class and I just stare. I look at everybody else and I just feel so alone.
Well, take care, Peng~ See ya.
How are you, Peng? Hope you are happy. I am not so happy. My roommates are so annoying. I know there are not annoying actually but I just find them so annoying. The way they talk about their problems with one another, the way they discuss about their worries, their studies... its all seems so fake to me.
I decided some time ago that I will not talk to anybody about me feelings, my worries, my stress, my depression anymore. I shouldn't burden anyone about my personal problems. I remember you told me that I'm good at making people around me suffer by releasing my guilt. Yeah, you're right Peng. So, I'll take your critique; I won't disturb anyone anymore. I'll just bottle up everything. EVERYTHING!
Yeah, I am feeling a little depressed right now. Don't feel like studying at all. I'm missing you too.
So, Peng, what are you up to these days? Are you having lots of fun? I bet you are. Haha =D
Hows your studies going? Probably better than mine. Really.
These days, I really feel really empty. My life feel so pointless. I go to class and I just stare. I look at everybody else and I just feel so alone.
Well, take care, Peng~ See ya.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
LA Auto Show
Dear Peng,
Today, I went to the LA Auto Show. Basically, it was an exhibition of future cars from almost all the car companies in the world such as Honda, Toyota, Ford, Mercedes, BMW, etc.
I saw many good-looking and sexy cars. Of course, you're sexier la.. haha xP
Oh ya, I saw the new Volkswagen Beatle. Its was blue in color and I imagine you would look sooo good in that car. I believe that car is perfect for you.
Take care, Peng. See ya!
Today, I went to the LA Auto Show. Basically, it was an exhibition of future cars from almost all the car companies in the world such as Honda, Toyota, Ford, Mercedes, BMW, etc.
I saw many good-looking and sexy cars. Of course, you're sexier la.. haha xP
Oh ya, I saw the new Volkswagen Beatle. Its was blue in color and I imagine you would look sooo good in that car. I believe that car is perfect for you.
Take care, Peng. See ya!
Saturday, November 20, 2010
JYJ | Harry Potter movie
Dear Peng,
Today, JYJ came to USC. They were performing their album "The Beginning". Many Korean girls were lining up, waiting to enter the convention center.
Peng, you like JYJ? Would you have liked to go for their concert? Haha....I know you adore the JYJ guys. There are from your favorite band, DBSK after all. xP
Oh ya, I also saw the Harry Potter movie today. Did you see it yet? I was very confused the whole time. I had already forgotten most of the story and I was very blur while watching the movie in the cinema. However, the movie was indeed visually pleasing.
Anyway Peng, how are you? Hope you are fine. How am I? Haha... I think you know the answer....haha.
Ok then, take care, Peng. I love you! ^_^
Today, JYJ came to USC. They were performing their album "The Beginning". Many Korean girls were lining up, waiting to enter the convention center.
Peng, you like JYJ? Would you have liked to go for their concert? Haha....I know you adore the JYJ guys. There are from your favorite band, DBSK after all. xP
Oh ya, I also saw the Harry Potter movie today. Did you see it yet? I was very confused the whole time. I had already forgotten most of the story and I was very blur while watching the movie in the cinema. However, the movie was indeed visually pleasing.
Anyway Peng, how are you? Hope you are fine. How am I? Haha... I think you know the answer....haha.
Ok then, take care, Peng. I love you! ^_^
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Gift
Dear Peng,
Today, I found the perfect ring for you, Peng. Would you want it, Peng? I really want to buy it for you.
Oh well~ Haha....
Take care, Peng. ^_^
Today, I found the perfect ring for you, Peng. Would you want it, Peng? I really want to buy it for you.
Oh well~ Haha....
Take care, Peng. ^_^
Cheer Up and Move On...
Dear Peng,
So far, 3 people have said that to me. Never expected that phrase being said to me, though.
While I appreciate their concern, I feel that it is impossible for me to cheer up and move on. It is IMPOSSIBLE!
Why is it impossible? Well,
How can I cheer up when there is nothing that makes me happy anymore?
How can I cheer up when I broke up with the girl that I love so much?
How can I cheer up when I broke your heart, Peng?
How can I cheer up when I made you cry, Peng?
How can I cheer up when I made you angry, Peng?
How can I cheer up when you not mine anymore?
How can I cheer up when I am feeling so jealous?
How can I cheer up when I am feeling so lonely?
How can I cheer up when I have thoughts of suicide?
How can I cheer up when I don't know what is right and wrong?
How can I cheer up when all I want is you but I can't have it?
How can I cheer up?!
I remember last time I said to myself, even I am feeling very sad, I will forward towards a better tomorrow.
But everyday, when I wake, I say to myself, "Hate myself. Wonder what crappy things going to happen today".
Wow.. I am so pathetic. I should just die. Yeah, I wish that too.
Well, at least you're happy, Peng. At least God is answering my prayers. At least you aren't suffering anymore. Be happy and cute, Peng! ^_^
Bye-bye *wave* =)
So far, 3 people have said that to me. Never expected that phrase being said to me, though.
While I appreciate their concern, I feel that it is impossible for me to cheer up and move on. It is IMPOSSIBLE!
Why is it impossible? Well,
How can I cheer up when there is nothing that makes me happy anymore?
How can I cheer up when I broke up with the girl that I love so much?
How can I cheer up when I broke your heart, Peng?
How can I cheer up when I made you cry, Peng?
How can I cheer up when I made you angry, Peng?
How can I cheer up when you not mine anymore?
How can I cheer up when I am feeling so jealous?
How can I cheer up when I am feeling so lonely?
How can I cheer up when I have thoughts of suicide?
How can I cheer up when I don't know what is right and wrong?
How can I cheer up when all I want is you but I can't have it?
How can I cheer up?!
I remember last time I said to myself, even I am feeling very sad, I will forward towards a better tomorrow.
But everyday, when I wake, I say to myself, "Hate myself. Wonder what crappy things going to happen today".
Wow.. I am so pathetic. I should just die. Yeah, I wish that too.
Well, at least you're happy, Peng. At least God is answering my prayers. At least you aren't suffering anymore. Be happy and cute, Peng! ^_^
Bye-bye *wave* =)
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Feel like talking...
Dear Peng,
I just felt like talking to you.
I saw that you can't find you stockings. Is that true? haha... Thats so cute of you. I thought you are a neat person? xP Haha.
So, how have you been? Saw that you finish your Organic Chemistry already. You must be so relieved, like a huge burden has been lifted from your shoulders. Hope you passed the exams with flying colors, Peng.
What's the temperature at New York, Peng? Is it still snowing? Is it below 0 degrees? I am planning to buy some winter clothes next week. I'm not sure if I can get my size or not. Haha.
Baby...I feel so bored everyday. I know I should be studying but I just don't have the mood to do it. I try forcing myself but I just can't take it anymore. I have been forcing myself to study all my life but now I just can't do it anymore.
Do you have any advice for me, Peng? I know one solution but it can't be done... not anymore. I feel so useless.
Peng, thoughts of suicide are coming back to me. Oh baby~ When I was together with you, I felt so alive. Now I believe death is the only way out. I hate myself. Well, I know I'm a failure already. No pointing complaining about it. I'll just have to live day by day, failing in life. That just sux but I do not know what else to do. All my goals or dreams that I once had feel so pointless now. That just baffles me.
Anyway, I don't want to make the atmosphere here sad and"emo".... so, Peng, are you cute today? ^_^
You must super cute and super sexy, now that you're wearing winter clothes. Woooo~ Wish I could see you right now.
Peng, do you watch the stars at night? Whenever I look at the stars, I say to myself, "Wow, the stars are as beautiful as Peng!"
I really miss you, Peng.
Take care, baby. ^_^
I just felt like talking to you.
I saw that you can't find you stockings. Is that true? haha... Thats so cute of you. I thought you are a neat person? xP Haha.
So, how have you been? Saw that you finish your Organic Chemistry already. You must be so relieved, like a huge burden has been lifted from your shoulders. Hope you passed the exams with flying colors, Peng.
What's the temperature at New York, Peng? Is it still snowing? Is it below 0 degrees? I am planning to buy some winter clothes next week. I'm not sure if I can get my size or not. Haha.
Baby...I feel so bored everyday. I know I should be studying but I just don't have the mood to do it. I try forcing myself but I just can't take it anymore. I have been forcing myself to study all my life but now I just can't do it anymore.
Do you have any advice for me, Peng? I know one solution but it can't be done... not anymore. I feel so useless.
Peng, thoughts of suicide are coming back to me. Oh baby~ When I was together with you, I felt so alive. Now I believe death is the only way out. I hate myself. Well, I know I'm a failure already. No pointing complaining about it. I'll just have to live day by day, failing in life. That just sux but I do not know what else to do. All my goals or dreams that I once had feel so pointless now. That just baffles me.
Anyway, I don't want to make the atmosphere here sad and"emo".... so, Peng, are you cute today? ^_^
You must super cute and super sexy, now that you're wearing winter clothes. Woooo~ Wish I could see you right now.
Peng, do you watch the stars at night? Whenever I look at the stars, I say to myself, "Wow, the stars are as beautiful as Peng!"
I really miss you, Peng.
Take care, baby. ^_^
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Adventures
Dear Peng,
Hi Peng. How are you? Hope you are fine. Today, I remembered I promised you that we would go on adventures together.
I really wish I could go on adventures with you. You are such a fun person to be with.
I was thinking of going to Europe and I immediately thought of you. I imagined it would be amazing to travel Europe with you, Peng. I miss you, Peng.
Would you still wanna go on adventures with me, Peng?
I know I'm just dreaming but thats all I can do right now....or I should say...thats all I want to do right now.
Take care, Peng. Be happy and cute. ^_^
Hi Peng. How are you? Hope you are fine. Today, I remembered I promised you that we would go on adventures together.
I really wish I could go on adventures with you. You are such a fun person to be with.
I was thinking of going to Europe and I immediately thought of you. I imagined it would be amazing to travel Europe with you, Peng. I miss you, Peng.
Would you still wanna go on adventures with me, Peng?
I know I'm just dreaming but thats all I can do right now....or I should say...thats all I want to do right now.
Take care, Peng. Be happy and cute. ^_^
Monday, November 15, 2010
Hungry
Dear Peng,
Baby.... I am very hungwyyyyyyy ~~ Weeeee... Can you feed me, Peng? xP
I really want to 'eat' you right now. WAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! I need you, Peng. I want you, Peng.. I want you soo soo much. *kiss*
hehe ^_^
Baby.... I am very hungwyyyyyyy ~~ Weeeee... Can you feed me, Peng? xP
I really want to 'eat' you right now. WAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! I need you, Peng. I want you, Peng.. I want you soo soo much. *kiss*
hehe ^_^
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Hi Baby~
Dear Peng,
I just wanted to talk to you for awhile. So, how have you been? Hope you are fine, Peng. Hope you are happy too. ^_^
I love you....my cute baby!
Take care, ok.. Peng? =)
I just wanted to talk to you for awhile. So, how have you been? Hope you are fine, Peng. Hope you are happy too. ^_^
I love you....my cute baby!
Take care, ok.. Peng? =)
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Interest
Dear Peng,
I just lost all of my interest in engineering. I don't even know why I am studying all this crap. I don't feel like studying anymore.
I don't even know why I am here. Sigh~
I just lost all of my interest in engineering. I don't even know why I am studying all this crap. I don't feel like studying anymore.
I don't even know why I am here. Sigh~
Love
Dear Peng,
I Love You, Peng~~! I love you so very, very, very,very, truly much, Peng~! *kiss* * kiss* ^_^
I Love You, Peng~~! I love you so very, very, very,very, truly much, Peng~! *kiss* * kiss* ^_^
Friday, November 12, 2010
Funny Joke
Dear Peng,
Today I ate a fortune cookie. ( A fortune cookie is basically a cookie with a "so-called" wisdom quotes inside)
So the fortune cookie I ate had this quote : "You know what you want -- Go for it"
I lol-ed. I know what I want! I want you! However, I can't have you. FML
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Baby, Baby, Baby ohhh~
Baby, Baby, Baby woo~
Baby, Baby, Baby ohh~~
Thought you always be mine~
='(
Today I ate a fortune cookie. ( A fortune cookie is basically a cookie with a "so-called" wisdom quotes inside)
So the fortune cookie I ate had this quote : "You know what you want -- Go for it"
I lol-ed. I know what I want! I want you! However, I can't have you. FML
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Baby, Baby, Baby ohhh~
Baby, Baby, Baby woo~
Baby, Baby, Baby ohh~~
Thought you always be mine~
='(
Misunderstanding
Dear Peng,
Today, I was wondering if we had any misunderstanding between us. I think we do, right? At the moment, I am assuming that you hate my guts, you're pissed of at me, you are willing to kill if given the opportunity, and you just don't give a damn if I am dead or alive.
Maybe thats all true. So, I am not misunderstanding anything.
I wonder if you have any misunderstanding about me? Should I clarify for you? or is it even worth clarifying? Maybe not, I guess.
I wondered if we could still be friends? I know thats just a dream for me. Haha... We used to be so close, now we are becoming strangers. I'm sad. Haha.. Oh well~
Today, I was wondering if we had any misunderstanding between us. I think we do, right? At the moment, I am assuming that you hate my guts, you're pissed of at me, you are willing to kill if given the opportunity, and you just don't give a damn if I am dead or alive.
Maybe thats all true. So, I am not misunderstanding anything.
I wonder if you have any misunderstanding about me? Should I clarify for you? or is it even worth clarifying? Maybe not, I guess.
I wondered if we could still be friends? I know thats just a dream for me. Haha... We used to be so close, now we are becoming strangers. I'm sad. Haha.. Oh well~
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Hate
Dear Peng,
At this exact moment, I really freaking hate my life. FML!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh ya, I just realized another thing just now when I was riding my bicycle. You know, all my life, my mother has defined who I was. I think I am studying engineering because she brainwashed me (And apart from the fact that I said I'll never do medicine and I will kill myself if she force me).
I think I am at USC because my mother brainwashed me. I was very adamant of going to Case. I thought Case would be good for a person like me. But now I am at USC. hmmm......
I think I kept on studying because my mother would get really angry if I didn't do well.
I think I kept following my mother's order without me even realizing. I think after a while it has been a subconscious habit to automatically take whatever my mother said to be true and just follow it without question.
I admit I have defied my mother alot of times, but my mother would get her way in the end. I am not angry or hate my mother. I just can't believe I never thought about all of these in this way.
But I began thinking about this when I was with you. See, when I was with you, Peng.....it was ME who wanted to be with you. My mother didn't say anything. I felt different. I really felt independent. I made many decisions on my own and the best thing, Peng.... was that you believed in my decisions! You trusted me.
But I ended our relationship because of my mother. Haih....Honestly, I don't feel that independent than when I was with you.
You know, I kinda hate the fact that my mother is right all the time. Can I make the right decisions myself? Can I live my own life? Am I able to live my own life? Should I live my own life?
Now that we are not together anymore, the identity that I created for myself has shattered. All that is left is the identity given to me by mother. And I don't want it!
I want to grow up...no, I want to be more matured. I want to think better. I want to improve myself.
The other day my parents said to me... "Don't get too involved in clubs. Focus on studies first!"
My father was almost scolding me when I said that I went for a number of clubs' meetings. I was kinda speechless. I just said ok. I did not know what to think.
Frankly, I don't know right and wrong anymore. Everything seems blur to me now.
My mother is still the same. Always comparing me with other people. She always ask me how did OTHER people do, specifically the Malaysian Gang. Thats not all, my mother would sound annoyed if OTHER people are doing better than me and will then proceed to scold me for not working hard enough. Then she say that maybe its because its the first semester, so everything is a little difficult to adjust too. My mother likes to play the "hot-and-cold" game.
Sometimes, I would just say that the OTHER people are doing ok and I doing ok too.
Sometime I am just too tired to study but I feel guilty if I don't study, then my mother will scold me. Haih...I am really screwed up.
Religion tells me to respect and love one's parents. I do. I do respect and love them. But sometimes, I feel......................
.....
.......really tired.
At this exact moment, I really freaking hate my life. FML!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh ya, I just realized another thing just now when I was riding my bicycle. You know, all my life, my mother has defined who I was. I think I am studying engineering because she brainwashed me (And apart from the fact that I said I'll never do medicine and I will kill myself if she force me).
I think I am at USC because my mother brainwashed me. I was very adamant of going to Case. I thought Case would be good for a person like me. But now I am at USC. hmmm......
I think I kept on studying because my mother would get really angry if I didn't do well.
I think I kept following my mother's order without me even realizing. I think after a while it has been a subconscious habit to automatically take whatever my mother said to be true and just follow it without question.
I admit I have defied my mother alot of times, but my mother would get her way in the end. I am not angry or hate my mother. I just can't believe I never thought about all of these in this way.
But I began thinking about this when I was with you. See, when I was with you, Peng.....it was ME who wanted to be with you. My mother didn't say anything. I felt different. I really felt independent. I made many decisions on my own and the best thing, Peng.... was that you believed in my decisions! You trusted me.
But I ended our relationship because of my mother. Haih....Honestly, I don't feel that independent than when I was with you.
You know, I kinda hate the fact that my mother is right all the time. Can I make the right decisions myself? Can I live my own life? Am I able to live my own life? Should I live my own life?
Now that we are not together anymore, the identity that I created for myself has shattered. All that is left is the identity given to me by mother. And I don't want it!
I want to grow up...no, I want to be more matured. I want to think better. I want to improve myself.
The other day my parents said to me... "Don't get too involved in clubs. Focus on studies first!"
My father was almost scolding me when I said that I went for a number of clubs' meetings. I was kinda speechless. I just said ok. I did not know what to think.
Frankly, I don't know right and wrong anymore. Everything seems blur to me now.
My mother is still the same. Always comparing me with other people. She always ask me how did OTHER people do, specifically the Malaysian Gang. Thats not all, my mother would sound annoyed if OTHER people are doing better than me and will then proceed to scold me for not working hard enough. Then she say that maybe its because its the first semester, so everything is a little difficult to adjust too. My mother likes to play the "hot-and-cold" game.
Sometimes, I would just say that the OTHER people are doing ok and I doing ok too.
Sometime I am just too tired to study but I feel guilty if I don't study, then my mother will scold me. Haih...I am really screwed up.
Religion tells me to respect and love one's parents. I do. I do respect and love them. But sometimes, I feel......................
.....
.......really tired.
Moving on
Dear Peng,
I have to move on. I have to get out of your life. I have to move forward. But I'll always keep on loving you 'cause I can't stop my feelings for you.
Peng, I meant it when I said I will always be there for you, no matter what. I will help you, Peng, in whatever way I can. I really mean it.
So, yeah, this is it. Hopefully I won't post anymore emo crap here. Haha. Maybe I will use this blog as a means to "talk" to you.
I won't get into anymore relationships. I learned 2 things after I broke up with you.
1) I was a useless boyfriend. I couldn't make you happy.
2) I wasn't fated to have any relationship. Maybe this is my destiny.
So, I will be a loner, like I decided to before I met you. But now, I am a loner but my heart will be longing for you. Oh well~ I can't help it. Hope to get used to this.Haha.. Have to be strong......Wish me luck..., Peng. =)
Take care, Peng!
I have to move on. I have to get out of your life. I have to move forward. But I'll always keep on loving you 'cause I can't stop my feelings for you.
Peng, I meant it when I said I will always be there for you, no matter what. I will help you, Peng, in whatever way I can. I really mean it.
So, yeah, this is it. Hopefully I won't post anymore emo crap here. Haha. Maybe I will use this blog as a means to "talk" to you.
I won't get into anymore relationships. I learned 2 things after I broke up with you.
1) I was a useless boyfriend. I couldn't make you happy.
2) I wasn't fated to have any relationship. Maybe this is my destiny.
So, I will be a loner, like I decided to before I met you. But now, I am a loner but my heart will be longing for you. Oh well~ I can't help it. Hope to get used to this.Haha.. Have to be strong......Wish me luck..., Peng. =)
Take care, Peng!
Dance!
PENG!!!!
I forgot to do something.
I always wanted to dance with you. Oh man~!!! you know during ATU night when they canceled the dancing session, I was like WHAT THE F*CK! Oh man...
Now I will never get the chance to dance with you. Shit!!!
Hi
Dear Peng,
Just wanted to say hi.. so... Hi, Peng? How are you? Hope you are doing fine. Are you cute today, peng? hehe... ;)
Just wanted to say hi.. so... Hi, Peng? How are you? Hope you are doing fine. Are you cute today, peng? hehe... ;)
Realized
Dear Peng,
I think I shouldn't have post all that emo-ness of mine. It was really dumb of me. I read somewhere on the lowyat forum about a guy who broke up with his girlfriend but still kept in contact with her. Then girl post in the forum asking what is the guy thinking and what the guy actually wants?
Are you feeling like that, Peng? or Were you feeling like that, Peng? I think you were, right....from your facebook statuses.
I am sorry, Peng. I should "maned-up" and control my feelings. Sorry I made you feel the way you felt.(Not sure how to describe it, though)
But what should I do about my feelings for you? I am not too sure how to.. erm...go about now.
Should I just forced myself to don't care about my feelings? Is that the correct action I should take? Should I just forced myself to forget? I am really new to this break-up scenario.. and I don't know what is the next step. I know one has to move on...but how? Should I just go with the flow? I am really confused.
I wonder if you would still be angry if I continued to write here? Would you be angry, Peng?
Well, I can't deny that talking to you made me forget my worries/stress. Now that you are gone, I need something to channel my stress. Even though this blog is not the real you, I think it does help a little, although the pain in my chest is still there.
Well, Peng I know I won't get any replies from you, which makes this blog sux, but I am still figuring out what to do or what is my next step. At the moment, I feel so helpless and useless and worthless. So...I don't know.....
I will continue to pray for your happiness, Peng. That is one thing I am sure of. Take care~ =)
I think I shouldn't have post all that emo-ness of mine. It was really dumb of me. I read somewhere on the lowyat forum about a guy who broke up with his girlfriend but still kept in contact with her. Then girl post in the forum asking what is the guy thinking and what the guy actually wants?
Are you feeling like that, Peng? or Were you feeling like that, Peng? I think you were, right....from your facebook statuses.
I am sorry, Peng. I should "maned-up" and control my feelings. Sorry I made you feel the way you felt.(Not sure how to describe it, though)
But what should I do about my feelings for you? I am not too sure how to.. erm...go about now.
Should I just forced myself to don't care about my feelings? Is that the correct action I should take? Should I just forced myself to forget? I am really new to this break-up scenario.. and I don't know what is the next step. I know one has to move on...but how? Should I just go with the flow? I am really confused.
I wonder if you would still be angry if I continued to write here? Would you be angry, Peng?
Well, I can't deny that talking to you made me forget my worries/stress. Now that you are gone, I need something to channel my stress. Even though this blog is not the real you, I think it does help a little, although the pain in my chest is still there.
Well, Peng I know I won't get any replies from you, which makes this blog sux, but I am still figuring out what to do or what is my next step. At the moment, I feel so helpless and useless and worthless. So...I don't know.....
I will continue to pray for your happiness, Peng. That is one thing I am sure of. Take care~ =)
Crapping...
Dear Peng,
bla-bla-bla-bla.. haha....peng peng~
sfgsfkmjgksfwngqienrv..ermmmmmm....errrrrr.......
Ok. =)
bla-bla-bla-bla.. haha....peng peng~
sfgsfkmjgksfwngqienrv..ermmmmmm....errrrrr.......
Ok. =)
Haha...
Dear Peng,
A few days ago... I was thinking about you and I imagined you in an aqua blue bikini. Haha... wow.. You looked so damn hawt in my mind. I was immediately turned on. You are one sexy girl, Peng!
A few days ago... I was thinking about you and I imagined you in an aqua blue bikini. Haha... wow.. You looked so damn hawt in my mind. I was immediately turned on. You are one sexy girl, Peng!
Wonder Part 2
Dear Peng,
Do my posts sound very pathetic? Maybe it does. I should just move on, right? I mean, you have moved on already and most probably abandoned your old-self.
I don't know what to do. This is my first time experience a break-up. Even though it was me who ended our relationship, I feel like shit and I just want to kill myself.
Do you have any advice you can give me? Haha...
I think the biggest problem I have is me living with regret. I don't know how to overcome it. I know I can never forget/resolved/reduce/eliminate this regret. This regret will always be with me.
Well, Peng, I hope you having fun. Hope you are happy. Hope you have many friends by now. Hope you create many wonderful moments with you new boyfriend. Hope you learn new things. Hope you can become a great dancer and singer. Hope you experience new and interesting things. Hope you be careful and take care of yourself, especially riding your bike. Haha. Don't ever become something you're not.
Because Peng your personality, right now, is perfect. Don't ever believe someone when they tell you that you're not pretty or not cute or ugly. Peng, you are so cute, so pretty, so beautiful. Believe in yourself, Peng. You have a very precious natural beauty and if anyone can't see that, screw them. They stupid and ignorant about your beauty.
And remember, which ever guy who is with you is the luckiest guy in the whole world. If he doesn't know that, then he is just stupid.
I was a fool to let you go. I guess I was one of the stupid guys, huh? haha...
Do my posts sound very pathetic? Maybe it does. I should just move on, right? I mean, you have moved on already and most probably abandoned your old-self.
I don't know what to do. This is my first time experience a break-up. Even though it was me who ended our relationship, I feel like shit and I just want to kill myself.
Do you have any advice you can give me? Haha...
I think the biggest problem I have is me living with regret. I don't know how to overcome it. I know I can never forget/resolved/reduce/eliminate this regret. This regret will always be with me.
Well, Peng, I hope you having fun. Hope you are happy. Hope you have many friends by now. Hope you create many wonderful moments with you new boyfriend. Hope you learn new things. Hope you can become a great dancer and singer. Hope you experience new and interesting things. Hope you be careful and take care of yourself, especially riding your bike. Haha. Don't ever become something you're not.
Because Peng your personality, right now, is perfect. Don't ever believe someone when they tell you that you're not pretty or not cute or ugly. Peng, you are so cute, so pretty, so beautiful. Believe in yourself, Peng. You have a very precious natural beauty and if anyone can't see that, screw them. They stupid and ignorant about your beauty.
And remember, which ever guy who is with you is the luckiest guy in the whole world. If he doesn't know that, then he is just stupid.
I was a fool to let you go. I guess I was one of the stupid guys, huh? haha...
Wonder
Dear Peng,
Today I wondered if you have read this blog. Is your facebook status directed at me? Can't I love you, Peng? Can't I express my love for you? You don't think I love you, Peng? I do love you, Peng. So much. I want to anything that will make you happy.
Why are you losing faith in me? Was I never good enough for you, Peng? Was I able to make you happy, even if it was a tiny bit?
Oh baby~ I am still holding on to you even if I can't see you.
Today I realized that you just might be the perfect girl for me. And I let you go. Damn it.
I created this blog so that I can fool myself that I am talking to you. I know its just a fantasy, this blog. But I don't know what else to do.
You have stole my heart, Peng.
Peng, would you be pissed off if I said 'hi' to you sometime?
Today I wondered if you have read this blog. Is your facebook status directed at me? Can't I love you, Peng? Can't I express my love for you? You don't think I love you, Peng? I do love you, Peng. So much. I want to anything that will make you happy.
Why are you losing faith in me? Was I never good enough for you, Peng? Was I able to make you happy, even if it was a tiny bit?
Oh baby~ I am still holding on to you even if I can't see you.
Today I realized that you just might be the perfect girl for me. And I let you go. Damn it.
I created this blog so that I can fool myself that I am talking to you. I know its just a fantasy, this blog. But I don't know what else to do.
You have stole my heart, Peng.
Peng, would you be pissed off if I said 'hi' to you sometime?
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Stress
Dear Peng,
I am really feeling stress right now. I don't know what to study anymore. Oh baby~ I am waiting for your "Don't worry, honey. You'll do fine. I believe in you. Good luck". But I know its not coming at all.
Baby, I don't know how to live anymore. How can live with regret? How can I live with the fact that I am a person who breaks promises? How can I live with the fact that I hurt the girl that I love?
Do you have an answer, Peng?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
I am not going to talk much from now on. I really have no mood in talking. I just feel everything I say feels so empty. I am already dead on the inside. I'll just appear dead to everyone.
I am not gonna talk to anyone about my feelings. My mother doesn't really cares anyway. She will say what she always say, "Why must be stress so much? You only have to study and thats all. How 'bout me? I have to worry about the bills, the income, your sister, your brother.. and now you also? Don't give me a hard time, Quraish. Please. You want to make mummy sad? Do you?"
In the end, I get blamed and scolded for telling how down I am. I am not going to tell my mother any worries that I'm having for the rest of my life.
I am not going to tell anyone else also.
"I am fine!" is what I am going to say. Lying is so much easier, I feel.
Now, I am even lying, huh?
Did I ever told you that I never lie, Peng? That was such a lie, huh? I was lying to myself, trying to make myself sound good. I lied to you and I cheated you and I gave you false hope and I was leading you on. I am so sorry, Peng.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
You believed in me, Peng. You were my best friend and my lover. You trusted me and I took advantage of you. Can you ever forgive me, Peng?
I love you, Peng! I love you so much Baby!
I am really feeling stress right now. I don't know what to study anymore. Oh baby~ I am waiting for your "Don't worry, honey. You'll do fine. I believe in you. Good luck". But I know its not coming at all.
Baby, I don't know how to live anymore. How can live with regret? How can I live with the fact that I am a person who breaks promises? How can I live with the fact that I hurt the girl that I love?
Do you have an answer, Peng?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
I am not going to talk much from now on. I really have no mood in talking. I just feel everything I say feels so empty. I am already dead on the inside. I'll just appear dead to everyone.
I am not gonna talk to anyone about my feelings. My mother doesn't really cares anyway. She will say what she always say, "Why must be stress so much? You only have to study and thats all. How 'bout me? I have to worry about the bills, the income, your sister, your brother.. and now you also? Don't give me a hard time, Quraish. Please. You want to make mummy sad? Do you?"
In the end, I get blamed and scolded for telling how down I am. I am not going to tell my mother any worries that I'm having for the rest of my life.
I am not going to tell anyone else also.
"I am fine!" is what I am going to say. Lying is so much easier, I feel.
Now, I am even lying, huh?
Did I ever told you that I never lie, Peng? That was such a lie, huh? I was lying to myself, trying to make myself sound good. I lied to you and I cheated you and I gave you false hope and I was leading you on. I am so sorry, Peng.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
You believed in me, Peng. You were my best friend and my lover. You trusted me and I took advantage of you. Can you ever forgive me, Peng?
I love you, Peng! I love you so much Baby!
Consoling.
Dear Peng,
Today I tried to console myself that maybe it was better that we ended. At least, I won't make you suffer anymore. At least, I won't make you cry or be sad anymore. At least, you could find someone else who could give you what you wanted.
Then I thought about the way you smiled and my chest hurt and I became sad. How I wish I can see you smile? How I wish I can make you smile?
I realized, a long time ago, that it would be AWESOME if we were still together. Why? Because our month-verssary and Christmas is the same day. Oh baby~ What a waste! I actually wanted to give you a blue rose jewelry set that I found online. I thought about how cute you will look if you wore them.
If were still together, we could on many adventures this winter. I was thinking we could go to Niagra Falls, like I said last time. Haih. I wanted also to go to New York City with you. To kiss you in the middle of the busy New York City streets would have been AMAZING!
Do you still think about me, Peng? or have you forgotten about my existence? Are you still angry at me, Peng? Do you hate me? T_T
Baby, I love you so much.
I love you, Peng! I really do!
Today I tried to console myself that maybe it was better that we ended. At least, I won't make you suffer anymore. At least, I won't make you cry or be sad anymore. At least, you could find someone else who could give you what you wanted.
Then I thought about the way you smiled and my chest hurt and I became sad. How I wish I can see you smile? How I wish I can make you smile?
I realized, a long time ago, that it would be AWESOME if we were still together. Why? Because our month-verssary and Christmas is the same day. Oh baby~ What a waste! I actually wanted to give you a blue rose jewelry set that I found online. I thought about how cute you will look if you wore them.
If were still together, we could on many adventures this winter. I was thinking we could go to Niagra Falls, like I said last time. Haih. I wanted also to go to New York City with you. To kiss you in the middle of the busy New York City streets would have been AMAZING!
Do you still think about me, Peng? or have you forgotten about my existence? Are you still angry at me, Peng? Do you hate me? T_T
Baby, I love you so much.
I love you, Peng! I really do!
Waiting...
Dear Peng,
So, I am back on the island, back to my old self. But this time, there is one difference.
Even though I am just sitting there all alone, all by myself, my heart is still holding on to you. I can't do anything 'bout. I know there is nothing between us. You don't love me anymore; You don't want care about me anymore.
But I can't help it.
So there I am. Sitting down.
I watched as the ocean of sadness, regret, despair and jealousy slowly erode the island I am sitting on. Gradually, the island will get smaller and the ocean will take over it, taking me along with it. I shall sink to bottom, drown and then disappear; my existence shall soon be forgotten. Haha...
Thats how it gonna be, huh?
So, I am back on the island, back to my old self. But this time, there is one difference.
Even though I am just sitting there all alone, all by myself, my heart is still holding on to you. I can't do anything 'bout. I know there is nothing between us. You don't love me anymore; You don't want care about me anymore.
But I can't help it.
So there I am. Sitting down.
I watched as the ocean of sadness, regret, despair and jealousy slowly erode the island I am sitting on. Gradually, the island will get smaller and the ocean will take over it, taking me along with it. I shall sink to bottom, drown and then disappear; my existence shall soon be forgotten. Haha...
Thats how it gonna be, huh?
Snow
Dear Peng,
I wonder if you are still keeping the ring I gave you. I wonder if you have thrown the ring far, far away so that you will never be reminded of me again.
Anyway, how is snow, peng? Is it nice to touch? Is it still snowing in Rochester? Is it snowing everyday? Must be very cold, huh?
I kinda excited to see snow when I go to New York this winter. Will I get to see you? I wonder. I am scared of seeing you already. I don't know what to say to you. Will you slap me if you see me, Peng?
I am really stressed up today. Haha. Tomorrow is my differential equation exam. Hope I can do my best. Wish me luck, ok Peng? ( Haha....in my dreams of course...)
I miss calling you baby.
Hey baby~ Baby... YOU'RE SOOOOOO CUTE!!!! hehe.
Take care, Peng! I love you so much.
I wonder if you are still keeping the ring I gave you. I wonder if you have thrown the ring far, far away so that you will never be reminded of me again.
Anyway, how is snow, peng? Is it nice to touch? Is it still snowing in Rochester? Is it snowing everyday? Must be very cold, huh?
I kinda excited to see snow when I go to New York this winter. Will I get to see you? I wonder. I am scared of seeing you already. I don't know what to say to you. Will you slap me if you see me, Peng?
I am really stressed up today. Haha. Tomorrow is my differential equation exam. Hope I can do my best. Wish me luck, ok Peng? ( Haha....in my dreams of course...)
I miss calling you baby.
Hey baby~ Baby... YOU'RE SOOOOOO CUTE!!!! hehe.
Take care, Peng! I love you so much.
Peng Peng
Baby~ Can I tell you something? :)
I~love you...so so much.I really, really love you~Oh baby~I love you day and night~ and even in the loo.Baby, baby, how can I ever stop loving you?You know..that.. I will always do........love you. Forever and ever~
Oh baby, baby~my cute little baby~You're sooo cute~I just wanna hold you ... in my arms.. so tightly~I never wanna let you go. (Never ever)
You're so cute when you smile~You're so cute when you laugh~Oh baby~Why are you sooo cute?I can't help myslef... but laugh, cuz baby.. you're so absolutely cute!~ (Oh yeah~)
I~love you...so so much.I really, really love you~Oh baby~I love you day and night~ and even in the loo.Baby, baby, how can I ever stop loving you?You know..that.. I will always do........love you. Forever and ever~
Oh baby, baby~my cute little baby~You're sooo cute~I just wanna hold you ... in my arms.. so tightly~I never wanna let you go. (Never ever)
You're so cute when you smile~You're so cute when you laugh~Oh baby~Why are you sooo cute?I can't help myslef... but laugh, cuz baby.. you're so absolutely cute!~ (Oh yeah~)
Baby...
Baby, I was really hurt when you said that our relationship was a mistake. I was crying when you said that it was your fault that you started our relationship.
I am really sorry, baby. I know sorry is not going to make anything better. I know I said sorry too many times. But I really mean it, baby..
I guess you don't trust me anymore. Alright, then. Fair enough. I accept that. I hurt you too many times already. But I really didn't mean to hurt you. I wanted to make you happy. I wanted to make smile. I wanted to make you laugh.
Baby, your smile is really so beautiful. Really!
Maybe I wasn't trying hard enough. I really did wanted to make you feel happy. Sorry I wasn't working harder. I failed you, yin peng. I am sorry.
Anyway, I know this is all in the past and you most probably want to forget all of these ever happen. Maybe now you don't feel like talking to me.
Yeah, I guess this natural way to go. Should I still speak to you? Should I still say 'hi' to you? Do you still want to talk to me? I doubt it. Not after I hurt you. You probably want me far away from your life.
I wonder why you're asking me if I wanna meet up in New York this winter? Do you still wanna see me? --- I still wanna see you, but I feel that maybe you're just being nice to me...Thanks, i guess.
Is that new friend of yours, your new boyfriend? Haha... I just hope he can give you the happiness I couldn't give you. Have fun, peng.
I miss you. I think about you everyday. Haha, I'm so pathetic. I just can't take my mind of you sometime. You're the most beautiful girl I have met in my entire life.
Whenever you smile, I feel like an angel has come down from heaven to brighten my day. You laugh is so cute that all my worries just goes away. Baby, you're so beautiful that I think no words can describe how beautiful you are.
Baby, can we still be friends? I really want to... but I'm scared to talk to you. I feel I'm disturbing you. Maybe I'm not...Maybe I feel that I would just remind you of the bad memories. I remember that you said to me last time that you can easily remember bad memories, right?
I would never forget you, peng. How can I forget the cutest girl in the world?! Haha... You were my one and only. Seriously. But I pushed you away. Stupid me, huh?! I know. I am a pathetic, stupid, asshole. Haih...
I wish you could still be my girl......But thats impossible. I regret my decision. I really do. I'll have to live this regret for the rest of my life. Thats my punishment for pushing away such a cute, beautiful, kind, innocent, smart, funny, outgoing, sexy, interesting, complaining, has the amazing smile and laugh, hawt girl.
I love you , Lee Yin Peng. ~~ Take Care, ok? ^_^
I am really sorry, baby. I know sorry is not going to make anything better. I know I said sorry too many times. But I really mean it, baby..
I guess you don't trust me anymore. Alright, then. Fair enough. I accept that. I hurt you too many times already. But I really didn't mean to hurt you. I wanted to make you happy. I wanted to make smile. I wanted to make you laugh.
Baby, your smile is really so beautiful. Really!
Maybe I wasn't trying hard enough. I really did wanted to make you feel happy. Sorry I wasn't working harder. I failed you, yin peng. I am sorry.
Anyway, I know this is all in the past and you most probably want to forget all of these ever happen. Maybe now you don't feel like talking to me.
Yeah, I guess this natural way to go. Should I still speak to you? Should I still say 'hi' to you? Do you still want to talk to me? I doubt it. Not after I hurt you. You probably want me far away from your life.
I wonder why you're asking me if I wanna meet up in New York this winter? Do you still wanna see me? --- I still wanna see you, but I feel that maybe you're just being nice to me...Thanks, i guess.
Is that new friend of yours, your new boyfriend? Haha... I just hope he can give you the happiness I couldn't give you. Have fun, peng.
I miss you. I think about you everyday. Haha, I'm so pathetic. I just can't take my mind of you sometime. You're the most beautiful girl I have met in my entire life.
Whenever you smile, I feel like an angel has come down from heaven to brighten my day. You laugh is so cute that all my worries just goes away. Baby, you're so beautiful that I think no words can describe how beautiful you are.
Baby, can we still be friends? I really want to... but I'm scared to talk to you. I feel I'm disturbing you. Maybe I'm not...Maybe I feel that I would just remind you of the bad memories. I remember that you said to me last time that you can easily remember bad memories, right?
I would never forget you, peng. How can I forget the cutest girl in the world?! Haha... You were my one and only. Seriously. But I pushed you away. Stupid me, huh?! I know. I am a pathetic, stupid, asshole. Haih...
I wish you could still be my girl......But thats impossible. I regret my decision. I really do. I'll have to live this regret for the rest of my life. Thats my punishment for pushing away such a cute, beautiful, kind, innocent, smart, funny, outgoing, sexy, interesting, complaining, has the amazing smile and laugh, hawt girl.
I love you , Lee Yin Peng. ~~ Take Care, ok? ^_^
Sad
Dear Peng,
I am so lonely, Peng. Ever since we broke up, I feel so empty inside. Have we become strangers, Peng? Can we still be friends? I am longing to hear your voice everyday.
I feel so jealous that you have a boyfriend now. haih.... I want to be your boyfriend! Oh well, I know I was the one who screwed up.
You know, I forgot to tell you one thing, Peng. You know... you told me that you realized you needed me.
I realized that I need you more than you need me. You made me happy, Peng. You gave me confidence by loving me. You make me believe in myself. Now that you're gone, I feel like killing myself. I feel life is just not worth living anymore. You became everything in my life. I didn't expect this would happen to me but Peng, you are my one and only.
Now you're gone and its definitely too late to win you back. You are in a new relationship and I don't want to disturb you already. I am missing you everyday. I am thinking about you everyday. Nothing makes me happy anymore.
I miss holding you hand. I miss you holding my arm. I envy all the couple that I see. I had you, Peng. You were mine and I f*cked it up.
You know, I realized another thing also. Before I came to INTEC, I told myself I would be a person that will never give up. I would be a person that will live a life of no regrets. I wouldn't make a girl cry/angry/sad.
Later, when we were together, I made a promise to myself that I will never let you go. I will never break up with you.
But now, I have went against everything I have said. I made you cry, angry and sad. I broke my promise of staying with you. I let you go. I gave up on us. I GAVE UP ON THE GIRL THAT I LOVE!!!! I REGRET LETTING YOU GO!
Was it the right decision, I wonder? I was scared, Peng. My mother said that she would disown me if I continued my relationship with you. I became confused. I didn't know what to think. I love you, Peng but I loved my mother as well. I couldn't just say no to her.
But I feel regret. I feel I've made the wrong decision.
I don't who I am anymore. I am just drifting day to day with no meaning in my life anymore. You had become my meaning of my life. Now that you are gone, my life is worthless.
I really love you , Peng. I wish I can say don't go. Come back to me. I really wish things could be different. I really want you back. But now, I know, you hate me already. You probably don't even want to talk to me ever again.
I love you, Peng. Everyday. I'm praying for your happiness, Peng. The happiness that I couldn't give you.
I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I LOVE YOU, PENG!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Hey, Peng
Dear Peng,
I was really missing you, so I decided to create this blog so I could...like...talk you. Haha.. I am so pathetic.
Anyway, I want to say I am sorry for pissing you off the other day. I didn't intend to make you angry with that video. I just..wanted to express my feelings for you. But I was pushing it way too far. You must have been thinking, "What the f*ck are you thinking?". I am sorry. I just miss you like crazy and that song really says what I feel. Anyway, I am sorry, peng.
I think I will change the template to a blue rose theme, if I can find it. Hmm...
Well, I got to go, peng. I got a exam on Wednesday. Differential Equations. Haih. Don't feel like studying. I'm just thinking of you only. Haih...Wish me luck....(Yeah.... in my dreams, huh?)
P.S. I love you, peng~ :)
