Dear Peng,
Today is a shitty day for me. Oh wait- I think it was yesterday.
My mother was saying that my trip to the East Coast must have been exciting and I must have had a lot of fun. I look indifferent. I just nodded my head. I knew inside that is the worst time I had in my entire life. For the entire journey, I was depressed. I remember when I was in New York, I was so tired of walking, I sat down on a bench. I was so depressed and sad that I was crying in my heart............Yeah, I had a lot of "fun". What a load of bullshit!
Later, my mother was pestering me about my grades. I said I did alright. However, she wanted to know the details. I succumbed and I showed my grades. "Oh.", she said. "You did pretty well.", she continued. She then congratulated. I just smiled meekly.I couldn't care less.
My mother also asked me if I had contacted you since we broke up. I said no. She heaved a sigh of relief. She said just wanted to be 'open'. My mother, then, ask me if I wanted to tell her anything else. I just replied no.
Never anymore will I tell anyone anything. Not even, my mother. What's the point?! What's the bloody point?!
Lately, I've been having bad dreams. Not nightmares, just bad dreams. And you're in them, Peng. You're in my dreams, fading away or scolding me or running towards another guy. Yeah, I know you're with another man but why I am haunted by this. My heart is hurting and has been painful ever since we broke up. Nothing I can do.
I was talking to V last night. I may have upset her. She ask me to give her a flying kiss. I just couldn't even though it was playing around. Maybe because I still love you, Peng and kissing another girl is like cheating on you. Stupid, aren't I? We are both complete strangers now but I still have feelings for you.
My roommates are just bloody annoying. One is an just a whiny bitch, another is stubborn and childish. In the other room, one is just sooo childish. One is so freaking lame. One other made a girl cry.
But I don't hate them. Absolute dislike, yes but certainly not hate.That's because there is one person in the entire world that I hate : myself. I'm just a pathetic 2" kid.... living a pathetic 2" life.
I am not talking much anymore. I could not be bothered talking to anyone anymore. These days, I'm on the online forum the whole day, every day. It's the only place where I can feel peaceful.
Away from annoying roommates. Away from people. Away from life.
I am going insane, Peng. I don't have you anymore to save me. I only have myself. I'm not sure how long I can take this. Maybe bottling-up wasn't such a good idea. Darn... haha.
Well.....Take care, Peng. You must have be having a lot of genuine fun. Good for you. Maybe you could pray that I die faster to end my misery. Blah... don't mind what I said.. I'm just blabbering.....<.<
